Forgotten Freedom
by Oshoku no kyoki
Summary: A year has passed sine Edward Elric left the earth. Leaving everyone to themselves Winry, Pinako, Roy, and most importantly Alphonse; With his memory hazy, and his depression taking over, maybe it would be best if he forgot.


**Title: Forgotten Freedom. **

**Summary: A year has passed sine Edward Elric left the earth. Leaving everyone to themselves Winry, Pinako, Roy, and most importantly Alphonse; With his memory hazy, and his depression taking over, maybe it would be best if he forgot. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Full metal alchemist, enough said. **

**Status: Complete **

**Rating: T **

**Note: In this Alphonse is in his Ten year old body. Also, for the best experience in this story, please listen to a sad song, and maybe even narrate some of the parts in a teary voice in your mind. Also please read every line. Thank you. **

* * *

"FINE! I'll LEAVE THEN, YOU STUPID BITCH!" I yelled, I knew I shouldn't act like this but... She talks about HIM And compares him to me, Every. Signal. Day, As I hastily ran up the stairs into my room hugging the red coat around me, Ignoring Winry's shocked face, And Pinako yelling at me demanding I come back down to apologize, But I won't I feel selfish, I shouldn't be mean to Winry. But I can't handle this anymore, I'm going to cut my pony tail, It's will be the last trace of... Him.

I opened the door to my bathroom and walked inside, hearing the conversation between Pinako and Winry, I pouted slightly, I'll say sorry. But later, I called her such a mean word. I rubbed my eyes slightly brushing off the tears. I sighed relentlessly. But I'm focused on doing this task right now. I whipped my head to the mirror. I narrowed my eyes to the scissors, they were rusty, but they'll do the job...

"Ugh. Why won't these cut!" I let out a frustrated moan, I was defiantly having a hard time doing this, Snip snap, I love the sound of scissors, I sighed and slammed the scissors on the counter. "It's no use." I whispered, Leaning in towards the counter staring down, I realized something warm was going down my face, I snapped my head towards the mirror. Tears? Why? I shakily held my face as my eyes were as wide as plates, Every time I looked into my reflection. I would see him. smiling back at me. I would smile back, thinking that it was okay.

But it wasn't

It will never be, okay. I'll always be alone in my own shell, And thinking that I could just wake up from this dream and see, Him. That's too good to be true. And it would just be me hopelessly wishing that HE was back. Back in the flesh, with me. But that's just a hopeless thought. The urge to smash the mirror in a million pieces was overwhelming me. But I couldn't help stare into his golden eyes, Stop, Stop, Stop smiling at me, nothing is happy, you left me, You left me, "Heh." I chuckled blinking a few times. I leaned back as I saw HIM was now gone.

In the end, It's too good to be true.

It was an uncontrollable heart ache, It was weighing me down. I couldn't let it do that anymore. I headed off to my bed, and fell forward falling on to the soft sheets. I wish he was here to tuck me in...

* * *

"Alphonse. It's okay, I forgive you. I know you feel really sad, so it's okay." Winry finished I smiled like an idiot. So she does forgive me? Being to shocked to respond. Winry giggled at my expression. Pinako laid the food in front of me. I guess she forgives me too. I gazed at the food. Avoiding eye contact. we ate our food in silence

"So Al..." Winry said I looked up at her;

"Yeah Winry?" I said, muffled by the large amounts of food in my mouth.

"So the military contacted us this morning..." Winry quietly said, My eyes widen.

"The military?" I asked, scratching my head.

"Al, sorry to break it to you... but we think," Winry was cut off by Pinako's glare. Think? Military? What's going on? I was silent.

"I mean we feel! That... you should take some therapy sessions." Winry whispered the last sentence, I sat there collecting what she just said, Bits of food falling from my gapping mouth, Therapy... sessions?

"But why! I'm fine! I'm not crazy!" I yelled, shocked of what she just said, I'm not crazy, why would I need therapy sessions?

"No! We don't think your crazy! It's just your behavior! You're dwelling to much in faded memories Al!" Winry took me back. How could she say that?

"So please... Al." Winry whispered, tears leaking down her face. She was serious. Wasn't she? Pinako stayed silent through out the whole thing. both waiting for my answer.

Wouldn't that be bad though? Isn't it good to keep memories? But maybe, there right. I've been all over the new's paper, media has been following me around where ever I go. And HE isn't here to support me anymore. I don't need him... but wouldn't it be best to keep him? It won't be fare for me if every one else can remember him but me! I don't feel like, should I? It's my choice... right?

"Please Al... we need you... and we'll be here to support you." Winry said, Those last words went straight into my heart, A memory, A lost memory swept over me. The familiar feeling of wet warmth invaded my eyes. Threatening to fall out. I whimpered

"Don't worry Al! No matter what you do... We'll be here to support you!" The voice echoed through my mind. I just collected an odd memory. Even though these could've been fragments of my own imagination, I wish, I wish, I could obtain these memories, But there are some things. That you can't obtain with Alchemy. These memories shouldn't be unlocked, they need to be tamed. And locked up, in a small little chest covered in jewels.

I'm going to decide. If I want to keep them. Or not, But If I try... I'll feel more pain. I'm in so much pain. Mental, pain... I'm so afraid, I feel my heart thumping against my chest; As If it would burst out any minute. I feel like, I'm going to break in a million pieces. And HE won't be there to pick up the pieces, To fix me. He'll never be here... Never. But is this the best thing that I can do? Can I fix myself?

Maybe... it would be best... If I...

"No!" I yelled, I couldn't... I'm such a coward! I can't...

"But Al! Why?" Winry cried out, Why... can't... I... The shocked look on my face would scare anyone, It looked like I saw a ghost. My eyes widen. Oh god...

In the corner of the room, He was there. Smiling, He was wearing the same clothes, Red coat, Black Jacket, And he had his usual golden braid. Those golden eyes seemed to stare in my soul. Oh god...

"Al?" Winry's voice reached my ears. She looked at me in concern. He, was walking over to me slowly. I think I'm just hallucinating... right? Wipe that smile off your face... please.

"Winry. I'm sorry." My voice cracked, In tears, I rubbed my face constantly to block off the tears. But they won't stop... they won't stop flowing. Are these my tears? Or are their... his?

I felt like a bundle of negative emotions. I'm never going to escape from my own past... Aren't I? These hazy memories are just going to keep on torturing me. In till I die.

"Al... Look... it's your choice. He would think that... you need the comfort... too. I'm so sorry Al." Winry said, her voice in tears. At the end of her sentence She slightly sounded like Edward. This made me chuckle. Gazing at the red coated boy who was looking at me; Just standing there. Move already, It looks like you've seen a ghost.

"Al?" Winry said, confused why I was talking to myself. I'm the only one who sees him... aren't I?

"You know... you could at least take off your coat." I said, Rubbing the side of my head. It felt like the old days, When we were home. He would keep his coat on and not put it on the rack. I always wondered why. But I couldn't convince him.

"Al? what do you mean..." Winry said, getting worried from my behavior. Doesn't she see him? I let out a shaky breath

"You mean you don't see him?" I said pointing towards where he was. He was right there. Pinako and Winry turned to look. But I guess they didn't see anything.

"See who?" Pinako said, I inhaled.

"Him" I said; This was getting obnoxious.

'"Al... Are you okay?" Winry said, Shifting uncomfortably in her chair.

I can feel my self snapping now... I just want to scream and point towards where HE is. But it's no use. They'll just think I'm crazy. But they already do. I shook my head and smiled.

"I'm okay. I'll think about your offer. But right now... I'm going to get some fresh air." I said, walking towards the door. And left that stupid, house. I forgot my coat. But, who cares.

* * *

The breeze from the wind made my hair go in every direction, I was staring blankly at the tomb stone in front of me. Rings of dead flowers surrounding it. With a freshly place new one on top. I clenched my hand.

"Mom... I'm sorry he isn't here with me... I failed. And now I'm acting like a jerk to everyone. And they're trying to help me as much as they can... Why... why do they care about me so much? I'm nothing special, He was the one who's special." I said to no one it seemed. It doesn't feel the same any more... talking to mom like this. I guess I need him to be here with me...

"Hah..." I breathed, Inhaling the chilly air. The hairs behind my neck stood up. Shivers going down my spine. I cracked my hands, Avoiding eye contact with the tomb stone.

"Trisha Elric..." I said under my breathe, I come here often now, Every time I feel lonely. I talk to mom... Hoping that I could feel just a little relief.

"Mom, What should I do." I said, not a question, Because secretly I knew what to do.

Therapy.

God, I hate that name so much. I mean, They call them The Rapist for a reason. It feels weird, Losing connection with friends. I rubbed my head. And closed my eyes. I slowly opened them to see, Red.

He's here again.

"What do you want?" I said quietly, Not making eye contact with him, I hate him to the guts, So why should I talk to him?

"Al." He whispered, I was taken back, I whipped my head up. And... He was gone...

"Damn you." I whispered, Looking at the grave once again.

Would It be best If I forgot these memories? I barely have any of them... But It'd been wrong if I forgot a close one... And Winry never mentioned a therapist that helps you forget things.

I'm so confused.

But Is this really the best thing that can happen to me?

I... I don't... Know...

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

.

Maybe it would be best. If I forgot about him. I've been dwelling to long now. I was twiddling my thumbs hastily looking around trying to avoid eye contact with the man sitting in front of me. He had round glasses, side burns and had brown hair. His stare was uncomfortable, even though I couldn't see his eyes. He tapped his finger on the side of his chair while holding a classic large book in his hand.

My clammy sweating palms were attracting attention. I knew it, all the nurses that were passing by were oddly staring at me. I wish I could go home, why did Winry and Pinako have to set me up for this? Against my will. Mr Martinez pushed up his glasses up on his face with two fingers and coughed slightly; God why, why, I'm so nervous I don't know why. I tap my feet nervously, twiddle my thumbs every time I feel at least a little bit uncomfortable! Gosh, why do I have to be such a nervous wreck. I could imagine what I looked like right now. Probably racking like crazy, if I had murdered someone. And the police were integrating me, they would tell right away I was the murderer. But I don't have to worry about that. At least... not now

" Alphonse. " Mr Martinez said interrupting my retched thoughts. Oh dear, now I have to talk to this guy. I mustered enough courage to at least squeak to him. but I knew that wouldn't be very lady like of me, wouldn't it?

"Y-Yes?" I replied I had calmed down a little bit, my hands weren't as shaky as before and I wasn't short out of breathe, thank goodness. 'HE' would probably laugh at me right now, Probably would say, Al, you're so cute when you do that. The thought of this made me shiver.

"I know you've been on a long journey, Your mother died when you were nine correct? But that was years ago, so your around four teen," This caught me by surprise. He knew?

"B-But how did..." I said raising up a finger, indicating I was very confused, and I was.

"Winry, and your aunt told me." He quickly responded, not looking shocked, or any expression, just a natural face it seemed.

"B-But why? No one is allowed to know that!" I demanded, staring into those stupid looking glasses, even though I seemed brave in the outside. I felt... fearful, fearful of what else he would know... would he know that I love... him?

"Alphonse, I'm a therapist, it's my job to know my patients history. And even the military requested this session, all of your friends are worried about you Alphonse. Winry, Pinako, Roy, Riza, your closest friends, I'm even sure Edw-" My eyes widen. Please... don't say his name.

"Please, please don't say his name..." I quietly said, gazing at the table between us. Mr Martinez looked apologetic, But he probably dealt with a lot of people like me... Crazy, people on the brink of sanity. People who simply, Can't. Get over a close person dying, I'm one of those weak people, and I thought I was different.

"I'm sorry, May I continue?" Mr Martinez said, That was a good question, Should I allow him to continue? I feel like... this won't help, will it? I feel like, I feel. I don't know, I..

"Yes, you may." I said allowing him to continue. He sighed and rubbed his chin.

"Alphonse, I'm your therapist and It's my job to help you... So, If I'm going to make you forget, I need you to trust me." Mr Martinez slightly demanded at the last sentence. Trust, Trust, Trust, what a funny word. I don't think I should TRUST him. The only person I gave my trust to... Was him.

Him, I can't say his name, It's poisonous, It's dangerous, It's radioactive, It doesn't roll off my tongue perfectly like it used too. That name, that dreaded name, plagued my night mare's as if a corpse's smell did.

"Alphonse." Damn, how many time's Is he going to interrupt my thoughts. I looked at Mr Martinez, I had a plain look on my face. as if I were to pounce on anything that came my way. I ran my hand through my honey colored hair. I didn't tell him this, but I felt a strong urge to murder this man.

The brown coffee table between us, Two cups of tea resting on it, I wish I could pour this tea on Martinez face, The window in the back of the room that lead to the garden with the spiked fences at the bottom, I wish I could throw him out the window so he could be painfully impaled, That weird, fancy, sharp, object on the table in the corner of the room, I wish I could stab him to death.

I looked down to see Mr Martinez hand out, This is it. Its decision time, Life or Death. I need to pick. The silence in the room was driving me crazy, The soft breeze from the opened window was making shivers go down my spine. I let out a shaky breath. Slowly reaching my hand out. Him, Him, Him, Him, Its time to forget, Its time to release.

I'm free, He's gone, I'm free, Golden eyes, Human Transmutation, Red coats, Cold Auto mail, Metal bloody armor, Corruption, Memories, Gates, Death, Illness, Disease, Empty voids, Insanity, Sanity, Chimeras, Homunculus, Purple Eyes, Alchemy, Brotherhood,

Edward.

I took his hand into mine. And smiled softly.

"Sure, I'll forget."


End file.
